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The
Cainrazers: ...After Five Long Years
The Cainrazers, a band from Richmond, Virginia, decided to title their album After Five Long Years. This title is apt for several reasons. The first is that this album sounds like it is at least five years old, probably older. It would make sense if the album was titled after 10 or 12 long years, because the music would seem more at home in 1992. This band reminds me of the weird pop music that can be heard on the radio in an eastern European cab. Its like a strange, polished version of the Replacements without Paul Westerberg or talent. Not that the Cainrazers are bad in the sense that they cant play their instruments or sing well; in fact they do these things fairly well. What they cant seem to be able to do is write interesting songs with good lyrics. Their lyrics are so laughably bad that the only way I could see anyone sitting through this record (besides unlucky record reviewers) is if they did not understand English. Here is one of many possible examples of painful lyrics from the song Out with the Old: Im not gonna cry for you/Im not gonna die/Out with the old, in with the new/Out with the old, in with you. Now, these arent the worst lyrics ever put to music, but they are so horribly mediocre that if I didnt know better, I would assume the Cainrazers were comprised of lyrically illiterate 14-year-olds playing in their garage. The other main problem with the Cainrazers is that their music is eminently mediocre. There is nothing more to say about it. There are no musical highlights on the entire album, no dynamics, and ultimately nothing to write home about nothing even to mention in passing to anyone. The only way that I could see this band being even tolerated is in a bar offering extremely cheap drinks with a horrible PA so that no one could make out the horrible lyrics. In short, avoid this band at all costs unless you dont particularly like music, for some reason.
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